Ready, Set, RUN!
by KLMeri
Summary: Playtime!verse; set between Playtime and The Good Life. Pike spends a weekend with the boys. - COMPLETE
1. Part One

**Title**: Ready, Set, and RUN! (1/2)

**Author**: klmeri

**Fandom**: Star Trek AOS

**Characters**: Kirk, Spock, McCoy

**Summary**: Playtime!verse one-shot for **swiss_kun**; set between _Playtime_ and _The Good Life_. Pike spends a weekend with the boys.

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* * *

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Part One

Being Winona Kirk's boyfriend has its down-sides.

"Winona, is this girls' weekend really necessary?" Pike is not pleading, he is asking like a man. A man under grave duress.

She stops packing and faces him, hands on her hips. "I know you didn't just ask me that question, Chris."

He mumbles something like _please don't leave me here with them_.

Her face softens. "It'll be fine. You'll do fine."

_That's not the point._ With a heavy sigh, he tells her, "I know I can handle kids, Winona. It's what I do for a living; but there are times when... I don't think you can count Jimmy and his friends as _normal_ kids." He winces and confesses, "They're going to take advantage of me."

She pulls him in with a laugh and kisses his cheek. "Be thankful that you have backup, dear."

His mouth twists wryly. "Jon isn't exactly what I'd call _helpful_ backup in these types of situations."

"You ought to give your friend more credit."

He thinks about the time that Archer helped Jimmy paint the peacefully napping Pike who had been obliviously trusting of Jon. He'd woke up to the smell of oil paint and a face the color of sunshine. That does not include what they did to the parts of Pike he couldn't see.

"You'll come back?" he asks plaintively.

Winona places the last shirt in her bag, zips it up, and says in a teasing voice, "Maybe I will—and maybe I won't. Depends on how good those margaritas are going to be."

Pike spends the next twenty minutes trying to prevent Jimmy from hiding in unfortunate places in order to go along on his mother's trip. At one point, he pulls the boy out of a suitcase (Chris has no idea how Jimmy managed to zip himself in, only saw the suspicious squirming of the bag) and decides to carry him on his hip in a very tight hold.

The boy proceeds to swing his feet and abuse Pike's leg unhappily. "Mama!" calls Jimmy when she comes out of the kitchen with a smile.

Winona gives the squirming boy a kiss on the top of his head. "Be good for Mr. Pike, Jimmy."

Jimmy stops struggling and seems to consider that possibility. He rejects it with a fierce "No!"

Pike whimpers on the inside. He is saved from further embarassment by the ringing of the doorbell. He and Winona have been dating for fourteen months and, though she refuses to move in, her and Jimmy's belongings are making a slow migration from their apartment to his house.

This weekend, Pike will be entertaining children in his home.

Plural. _Children._

Cue Winona inviting their first guests inside some minutes later.

"Bones!" Pike manages not to drop Jimmy on his head as the boy tries to launch himself off of Pike.

Leonard McCoy tentatively releases his mother's hand, peering with narrowed eyes into the corners of Pike's front hall like he expects evil things to be lurking there, and slowly turns to address his friend. "Heya."

Jimmy bounces with excitement and sparkling eyes, and Pike is sure that if the boy were a rocket, he'd launch to the moon.

Lenny looks slightly put-out that he has to endure a hug from his blond-headed friend. Pike isn't at all surprised, though, when the child pats Jimmy's back like an adult and then shrugs Jimmy off with an ease Pike wants to learn.

Stepping away from his mother and the other adults, Lenny raises his small face as if he catches a scent that he likes. Then, in a murmur which Pike recognizes all too well, Lenny follows his nose into Pike's kitchen with Jimmy tagging along.

Pike excuses himself hastily, leaving Winona and Mrs. McCoy bemused, and enters the kitchen just in time to rescue the coffee maker's descent over the side of the counter. Lenny scowls at Pike's interference.

"Coffee is for grown-ups, Lenny," Pike tells the boy.

"I'm grown," insists McCoy. "I'm seven now."

Pike smiles and reaches out but quickly drops his hand because Lenny's expression bodes ill for Pike if he were to pat the top of the boy's head. Instead, he looks at Jimmy who blinks from a kitchen chair, pudding smeared around his innocent face. A handful of minutes into the weekend and the boys are already snitching their favorite treats. Pike wonders if he can persuade the young McCoy to trade in coffee for grape juice.

_Probably not._

It is enough to oversee that Jimmy cleans his face into something decent and then herd his charges back through the front hall and into the living room. Winona is alone. Lenny displays an astonishing, gentleman-like quality and greets her with aplomb. "Mornin', Ms. Kirk. Thank you for lettin' me stay with Jimmy."

Winona tells the child that it is no trouble at all, not for such a good friend of her son's. Pike thinks, _Not when you'll be on a beach far, far away enjoying a cocktail._

The doorbell buzzes again and Jimmy beats Pike to the door, shouting, "Spock! Spock's here!" The front door is heaved open by soon-to-be six-year old Kirk.

"Hiya, kiddo. _Ow!_"

Jimmy comes back into the living room with a sulk on his face. "It's Mr. Klingon," he announces summarily as he climbs into his mother's lap. The child is outgrowing his lisp of certain words and, with some surprise, Pike misses the cuteness of it.

Winona tucks her boy in close and smiles at the newcomer. "Hello, Jon."

"Hey, beautiful." Jon waggles his eyebrows. "When you're ready to ditch Chris, you know where to find me."

"In your grave, perhaps?" quips Pike.

"I'm wounded, friend."

Pike is about to reply when the doorbell goes off again. He and Archer share an amused look as their own personal pack of dogs—Jimmy and Lenny—run for the door and fight over who is going to open it.

Pike calls, "Quit arguing and let them in!"

He hears Jimmy's gleeful "Spock!" and Lenny's more sharp "You're late."

Pike smiles to himself as Spock's young voice carries in clear indignation. "Mother required an additional ten point fifteen minutes to prepare for her journey. It was logical to allow her that time."

He hopes Lenny has enough sense not to insult Spock's mother.

Ms. Grayson says, "Good morning, Mr. Pike." Spock echoes her greeting.

He smiles at them. "It's a pleasure to see you both again."

"Indeed," intones the Vulcan. Then Spock turns his attention to Archer. "I was not aware that you were invited."

"Spock!" his mother gasps. "That's rude."

Spock blinks. "Mr. Archer's presence is unexpected. I fail to understand how my words may be construed as impolite."

Pike turns away to laugh into his hand. He catches Winona's eyes. They smile back at him. Winona then stands and says, "We'd better go, Amanda."

It isn't only Jimmy who whines a little. Pike clears his throat and looks sheepish. Hiding his blush is easier if he ducks his head while carrying his girlfriend's bags out to the car.

Within minutes, everyone is hugging and saying goodbye. Pike squeezes Spock's small shoulder when the car rides out of sight. "She'll be back before you know it," he tells the child.

Spock nods once, silent, and follows McCoy back into the house. Jimmy, who had been momentarily tearful when his mother kissed him and stroked his cheek farewell, is now fully recovered with wide-eyed anticipation. The boy turns first to Lenny and then Spock before jabbing a finger in the direction of the room that the three children will be sharing. "Let's go to t'ship!" he cries and bolts down the hallway.

McCoy rolls his eyes dramatically and follows, Spock in close attendance. Pike turns to Archer, as they both hear the words "The Captain said we'd go on plenty of missions. He'd better be right, 'cuz I'm bored outta my mind."

"I must concur," comes the answer.

Chris tells his long-time friend, "I hope you came prepared."

Jon grins with a touch of maniac in his eyes. "Oh yeah." He pulls a hand from one of his jacket pockets and displays a bottle. "Sedatives—" Then the other hand reveals, "—and energy bars."

Pike stares at him for a moment too long.

The ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach is very real. "What happens if the kids eat the energy bars and drug us with the sedatives?"

Jonathan Archer opens and closes his mouth, looking thoughtful. "Huh. I suppose that's possible."

There is a _BOOM!_ and then a loud, delighted laugh. In unison, they stare at the darkened hallway.

Oh yes, that scenario is entirely possible—and probable.

Archer gives him a forward shove. "You first," says the man.

"Why me?" mutters Pike, already knowing the answer.

"'Cause you're the daddy in this relationship. I'm the uncle. Uncles are more likely to survive."

"Lucky me." Then Christopher Pike thinks about the diamond ring carefully hidden in his sock drawer, waiting for the opportune moment, and his heart agrees whole-heartedly.

Yes, being Winona Kirk's boyfriend has its down-sides, but even those down-sides are something to be cherished.

**

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This is a two-parter. :)


	2. Part Two

**Part Two**

* * *

"Ice cream?"

From his hands and knees, Pike looks up at the hopeful Jimmy. "Starship captains shouldn't fight their crewmen with toothpaste, and they certainly don't deserve _ice cream_ if they do." He grimaces as he continues to scrub the tiles. In all the years of owning the house, Pike has never had this kind of up-close and personal encounter with his kitchen floor. He idly thinks that maybe it was due for a deep cleaning.

That doesn't mean Christoper wanted to play housemaid this weekend.

Archer is supervising McCoy and Spock's imprisonment in the bathroom. They have been ordered by Admiral Pike to "Wash up until your hair isn't sticky and the only place I see toothpaste is on your teeth."

It will be a miracle if Archer doesn't come out of that bathroom as covered in the goop as his two troopers.

After happening upon the battle scene—a rather loud, volatile screeching had drawn in the adults—Pike had been horrified at the state of his kitchen (not to mention his wards) while Jon had howled and thumped a fist on the nearby wall in amusement. Archer's hand had come away trailing what Pike now suspects is a combination of spittle and toothpaste from Lenny's 'flying minty missiles of doom.'

With a grin, Jon said, "At least they are creative little buggers."

Upon asking Spock what he had been thinking (knowing it was fruitless to ask Jimmy or Lenny), the Vulcan had blinked at him solemnly. "I am conducting a study of prepubescent behavior in Terrans. Mother says that this will, I believe, 'be good for me.' The Captain and the Doctor have offered to aid me in this endeavor."

Pike thinks he isn't going to survive a weekend of "prepubescent behavior."

The woeful-looking Captain Kirk brings him back to the present. "_Pwease, Mr. Pwike._"

Oh no. Jimmy only backtracks in his developing vocabulary when he is certain that its adorable quality will daze the recipient into allowing Kirk to have his way.

Pike sighs and tries not to touch anything, especially himself, while he goes over to the sink to wash his hands.

Jimmy relentlessly pursues his need for ice cream, fairly bouncing on the spot in his third pair of clean clothes that afternoon. Christopher personally wiped down the boy, knowing that young Kirk would more likely flood Pike's guest bathroom than actually manage to put the water on his person.

The boy smells strongly of spearmint.

"James, I said _no._"

"But Spock is hungry!"

"Spock will eat at dinner time like the rest of us."

"But he's hungry _now!_"

"Jimmy," Pike says, fixing a stare on the child, "are you lying to me just so that you can have a treat before dinner?"

"No," mumbles Kirk. It is the drop of the boy's head that gives him away.

Pike squats down to his charge's level, careful not to kneel lest he need to change his clothes as well. "Look here, son. I know you want your friends to have a good time, but trust me, you don't have to work for it. They are perfectly happy to be here _because you are with them_. Understand?"

Jimmy shrugs, but Pike is certain that the smart child does.

He tips up that stubborn chin gently and smiles at the child. "Why don't you show Spock and Lenny your rocket collection?"

"Bones's awready looked at it."

"Spock too?"

The boy shakes his head.

"Then shouldn't you treat one friend as you would the other?"

"Yeah."

"Okay then." Pike straightens, wincing at the cramp in his lower back. "Go see if Mr. Archer will let you into the bathroom."

The boy pelts out of the kitchen and, a moment later, Pike hears a banging from the other side of the house and the muffled shout "I wanna come in!—'Cause I'm the Capt'n!—I AM SO A CAPTAIN 'N I'LL HIT YOU WID MY SHIP—" Then the fading, "Bones! Spock! Mr. Pike says we can have _ice cream for dinner_..."

James T. Kirk will be the death of him.

* * *

Satisfied children are either napping or close to napping on various surfaces in Pike's living room—Jimmy curled on the floor partially under the coffee table, Spock on the sofa with arms neatly folded, and Lenny propped drowsily against Jon.

Archer looks satisfied as well and says as much. "I want to live at your house, Chrissy, if you're willing to serve ice cream for dinner every night!"

"Don't call me Chrissy or I'll kill you," Pike warns absently since he is engrossed in the book in his lap. "We had regular food too."

A sleepy voice mumbles, "Old people like sweet stuff just like kids 'cuz they're gonna die."

Pike's brain fizzles, finally works through that statement and he stares over the edge of his reading glasses at McCoy.

Spock saves him the trouble of responding. "That is illogical."

One of Lenny's eyes peeks open to roll in Spock's direction. "Nuh-uh. When you're really, _really_ old, you're gonna _have to die_. Mama says people like Mr. Archer get simple in the head as if they were little, so they like the taste of candy and ice cream better."

"Fascinating."

Pike drops his book to stuff a fist into his mouth, but not before he can muffle a sob-like sound. Archer, muttering something too quietly, tilts McCoy away from him in obvious irritation.

Lenny frowns and resettles where he was.

Jonathan is having none of that. "Kid, you can't insult me and expect me to be your pillow."

Both of McCoy's eyes are open now. Jimmy twitches and mumbles into the carpet, unaware of the imminent show-down between adult and pseudo-adult.

Lenny sits up. "I wasn't in-insultin' no one! It's true! You had twice as much ice cream as Spock and _he_ had lots!"

"Boys," interrupts Pike.

Archer and McCoy ignore him. Spock is very attentive for a "prepared to engage in a restful period" Vulcan.

"Don't point that scrawny finger at me!" Jon avenges his injured chest by a poke of his own, with just enough muscle to make Lenny scowl deeply.

"Y-you Goddamn Klingon!"

Jimmy stirs with a "Muh...? Kwingon?"

"_Leonard!_" Pike whispers with equal fury, "Jon!"

They look at him. He lays his book on the coffee table, picks up the agitated McCoy and moves the child away from Archer. Then, with some finger pointing of his own, he gestures to his friend to high-tail it. "Go cool off, Jonathan."

Jon stares at Pike for a moment, judging the level of seriousness on Pike's face. Then he rises in silence and walks down the hall. Pike relaxes at the sound of a door closing. He'll handle that ego in a few minutes.

Handing Lenny a pillow, he pats the end of the couch not occupied by Spock. "Lie down."

McCoy's mutinous face peeks over the top of the pillow. "I ain't tired."

Pike sighs, definitely more weary than simply tired. Jimmy is still curled on the floor, but his eyes are open and watching everything.

"Please try," he almost begs.

Without another word, McCoy finds a position on the couch that indicates his dissatisfaction; he puts his back to Pike.

Christopher nods to Jimmy, who obediently closes his eyes, and watches the children in the silence of the darkened living room. Because of their young age, their bodies will eventually override the emotional need to remain awake. Five minutes later, when no one shows a sign of stirring, Pike walks to one of two guest rooms and taps on the door quietly.

He accepts the low grumble as a sign that Archer won't have his pistol trained on the door and slips inside.

Jonathan is lounging on his bed, back to the headrest and a leg drawn up. Pike purposefully ignores that the man is still wearing boots on his newly purchased coverlet. (Winona had insisted that the pattern would add color to the almost bare room. Pike has to admit that she was right—though not to Winona in person.)

But he cannot ignore the open bottle of scotch. "It's a bit soon to be fortifying your nerves."

"I'm not," Jon says. "I'm drowning my parental woes."

"You aren't a parent."

"Why else do you think I'm drinking?"

Pike is surprised. He sits down at the end of the bed. "I thought it was your regular mantra that the universe would probably end before you had children. I simply assumed that you meant you didn't want to be a father."

"It's not... like that, Chris. I have just always known that I'd be pure _crap_ at it." Jonathan half-mutters into the bottle as he drinks, "Hell, I proved that with the kid, didn't I?"

They are friends and have years worth of knowledge about each other; but some subjects they have never broached because it seemed unnecessary. Now Pike realizes that in allowing sleeping dogs to lie, he has forgotten one of the more important aspects of being Archer's friend: that Archer needs Pike to dig beneath the man's flippant and boisterous attitude for bits of sober truth.

Pike pinches the bridge of his nose. "There's a reason you were honored for your years in the education system, Jonathan. You have the ability to go toe-to-toe with kids on _their_ level. They may not always like it, but they need it. Yeah, you were acting _childish_ a moment ago—"

Jonathan's smile is slightly sheepish. The man uses his free hand to pick very real lint off of his pants.

Pike resists the complaint that wants to be voiced. "—but that doesn't mean you don't recognize when one of the kids needs an adult and not a peer. Honestly, you'd make a great parent, Jon."

They fall into silence until Archer clears his throat. "Not to cheapen the moment, old son, but since when is it wise to leave miniature Nazis unattended for more than half a second?"

Pike grimaces. From one fire straight to the next.

He starts to leave but takes a step back and reaches down to squeeze his friend's ankle. "You'll always have a place with my kids," he says.

Pike turns away and pretends that he hasn't noticed the naked gratefulness in Archer's eyes.

It is pleasantly surprising to find that his living room is whole and unmarked by the terror of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. He also notes with interest that Lenny, despite his protest, has fallen into a peaceful sleep—and not alone. Jimmy is pressed against McCoy's back, their heads almost touching as they share a pillow.

For Pike, the thought of Jimmy comforting his friend with a close presence is simply not unexpected at all.

* * *

**I don't know what happened. This piece refuses to be contained. I blame Archer.**


	3. Part Three

**Part Three**

"C'mon, Chris, don't be such a tight-ass."

"_No._"

Archer takes a stance that Pike knows well. Here come the big guns. "If Porthos can't stay the weekend, then I _won't_ stay the weekend. You understand my plain speak, Pike, or do I have to make it plainer?" Jon turns around like he is going to leave.

When Pike doesn't take the bait, his friend throws up his hands in a gesture of _God, why are you being so stubborn!_

Pike tries to insert a measure of reason. "You do realize what those boys will do to poor Porthos."

"I didn't plan this, alright? The boy's girlfriend is in labor. How am I supposed to predict that—with a crystal ball?"

"So call another dog-sitter."

"There aren't any!"

"In all of San Francisco, you can't find another person to babysit your dog. I wasn't born yesterday, Jon."

"There aren't any good ones," complains Archer. "Trust me, I tested a hell of a lot of 'em. This guy is the only one who proved to be worth something." Archer leans forward, now obviously on the subject of a favorite rant. "You know what I caught one of those baby-sitters doing?"

No, and he is certain that Jon is going to enlighten him even if Pike tells the man to shut up.

"The bastard spent all fucking day _watching the news feed_."

"So he ignored Porthos."

"To give the kid credit, he did walk Porthos when I specified and feed him at least three times..."

"Then it sounds like this kid did his job."

"—but he ignored my dog otherwise," finishes Jonathan with a glare. "Now you tell me, what if my poor, hapless Porthos had needed help—"

"He naps most of the day."

"—or had been scared and in need of comfort—"

"The only thing that _beagle_ is afraid of is having an empty food bowl."

"—damn you, quit joking! This is serious! I need this guy, and if he has to go watch his girl pop out a baby, then I can't say no—otherwise he might quit."

"So let him go. Porthos will be okay by himself."

Suddenly, Jon is in his face. Pike has a nice view of the man's twitching eye and that little vein that threatens to explode when Archer is riled.

"My _Porthos_ needs _care_. Now either we're going to be one big happy family for the next two days, or I'll ditch you faster than you can say _oh shit_. Think carefully, Pike. You. Kirk. Spock. McCoy. And no buffer."

"Jon... you're one scary SOB when you want to be. Okay, bring the dog."

Jonathan is all smiles. He claps Christopher on the back. "You'll see, Chris. Porthos will charm those children into good behavior."

Pike seriously doubts that. Not unless Porthos is a certified hypnotist.

* * *

Admiral Pike and his three underlings are playing in the backyard (yes, Pike too, because he has no choice) when Jonathan appears at the fence, returned from an afternoon excursion to his apartment to retrieve the beloved beagle Porthos.

"Guess who I brought!" bellows the man.

McCoy halts mid-throw and drops the ball which he had been aiming at Spock's oblivious head. Jimmy has already obediently trotted over to the fence to peer between the slates. Lenny shoulders his friend aside and mutters, "I can't see nothin'. Who is it?"

Though Pike is striding from the patio, Spock arrives first at the fence to join the two curious children. Christoper doesn't realize until too late that Lenny's "Hey, Spock, we can't see!" is a bad, bad thing.

The Vulcan removes one hand from behind his back, reaches out to work small fingers beneath a wooden slate (Pike's prized white picket fence) and easily rips the board out of place and tosses it to the side.

Pike's mouth drops open, then he runs, shouting "Stop!" but the baby Vulcan has already created a hole wide enough for McCoy and Kirk to simultaneously squeeze through. "Don't MOVE!" orders Pike and the three boys freeze in place.

Archer, however, says "Hey, a doggie door," and one moment later, Porthos is unceremoniously shoved through the hole.

Pike blocks out Lenny's disappointed "It's that smelly mutt" in lieu of reaching across the fence to shove Jon in another direction. "Use the gate," he warns.

Instead, Archer clutches the top of the fence and glares at McCoy. "I'll have you know that my dog is pristine." At Lenny's confused look, the adult clarifies, "Clean. He's clean."

McCoy looks at Porthos who is sniffing his shoes. "He stinks like a girl."

"He appreciates gardenia shampoo..."

Christopher has stopping listening because he is kneeling in the dirt, trying to fit a discarded board back over the gap. He curses under his breath, thinking of the long hours he spent on the weekends building this fence. It was perfect, absolutely picture-perfect and now—

A small chin digs into his shoulder.

"Mr. Pike?"

Pike sighs and gives up on his impossible task.

"Mr. Pike?" again, more quietly.

Jimmy slides around his side, Chris automatically lifting an arm to pull the child in close, and the boy leans into him. Jimmy mumbles into his shirt, "Are you mad?"

He rocks back on his heels. "No, Jimmy. I'm not mad."

"Oh."

He uses his free hand to stack the slates in a pile, nail-side down. Then Pike stands up, lifting the boy as he does so. Pike motions for Lenny and Spock to listen. He points at the loose wooden boards. "Do not touch these, okay? They are dangerous."

Spock nods solemnly. Lenny shrugs. Jimmy swings his legs, wanting to be put down.

Pike sighs and releases Kirk back into the wild (the backyard). Jonathan is bent over, unleashing Porthos who only looks mildly interested now that he has re-discovered the smell of children. As soon as the beagle is free, he grumbles, finds a shady spot and drops to the ground with a satisfied noise to nap.

The boys go in search of more lively game than a sleeping dog.

Pike turns to Jon. "Feel better?"

Archer smiles, hands in his jacket pockets. "Much."

He looks pointedly at the dog. "If you don't fix the hole in my fence, Porthos might run away."

"Where's your toolbox?"

"In the garage."

Archer pauses as he walks away, turning to glance back his friend. "Aren't you going to help?"

"Who called the children over to the fence?"

"Hey, I'm not a baby-faced Superman. That was all Spock."

"Fine." Pike's mouth slowly curves into a smile. "I'll fix the fence—and you can feed the boys the vegetable soup I made for lunch."

Archer grimaces, then says in a low voice pitched to carry as he opts to find the toolbox, "Vegetables? God, Pike, what kind of monster are you?"

The kind that fights dirty. Pike walks back into the house. He is soon distracted by the sprinting blur across the hallway between bedrooms that is Kirk, naked as the day he was born.

Lenny is then seen, less of a blur and more a stalk, in pursuit of the elusive Kirk. The seven year-old is snarling, "You can't run forever! I'm your doctor and I can kill you if I wanna!" The child is wielding what appears to be a spatula and a stapler.

"Admiral."

Pike blinks and turns slowly to the doorway on his left. A silhouetted Vulcan says, too calmly, "Were the Captain to suffer his demise, I will require proper attire for the mourning rites."

"Nobody's dying, Spock."

Then Jimmy lets loose a shrill noise and Pike changes his mind.

"Correction, Mr. Spock. I require you to _prevent _the Captain's demise."

"Understood."

The Vulcan disappears back into the shadows. Pike heads into the kitchen, praying that the soup in the old-fashioned crockpot (Winona's, actually) isn't burned. If so, then it's ice cream on the menu again. He idly wonders if the boys are smart enough to switch the dials on the crockpot to high.

Best not to think on that answer for too long.

He prepares lunch to the distant sound of hammering and a jaunty singing voice horridly off-key.

Home, sweet home.

**

* * *

Pike's weekend is underway!**


	4. Part Four

**My personal deadline for my Black Jewels Big Bang fic is next weekend. I'll be splitting my writing attention this week. Ye be warned.**

**

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Part Four**

"Hold still."

Jimmy flails his limbs like a beetle on its back.

Pike curses in his head mainly because a certain McCoy with a penchant for loving bad language is hanging over his shoulder. Spock is seated on the rug, eyes closed in a meditation pose. One of these days, Christopher is determined to ask Spock for lessons; Hell, he'd pay a very generous amount right about now. It's no surprise that Vulcans never appear stressed.

"Jimmy, stay still!" He grabs the ankle of the foot trying to dent his chest.

"But it hurts!" whines the boy. "Ow! Ow ow ow ow—!"

"I'm betting that he can keep that hollering up for at least another half hour," Jon interjects as he hands Pike a bottle of rubbing alcohol. At the sight of it, Jimmy increases his volume.

Seriously, how is Spock meditating through this?

"Please, Jimmy, please! You aren't helping!" Pike tries again to put the tweezers he is holding within range of the boy's foot.

The neighbors are going to think that Pike is beating the child within an inch of his life. If police sirens were to sound outside his house, he'd gladly walk past the cops, straight to the squad car and climb in the back.

"I have to remove the staple, James. Now, don't move!"

Jimmy whimpers.

A calm voice tells Kirk, "You amplify pain by anticipating it, Captain. Might I suggest that you… turn your mind elsewhere at this time?"

"Yes, listen to Spock," Pike says.

Jimmy sniffs and turns his head in Spock's direction. "But it's gonna hurt _worse_."

"Affirmative."

"Y'all are being stupid." McCoy crawls around Pike to peer into Jimmy's face. "Now listen here, Jimmy, it's supposed to hurt because there are nerves and stuff that tell your brain there's a staple in your foot."

The boy blinks.

McCoy says, rather succinctly, "But if you let Mr. Pike take out the staple, it'll hurt less—otherwise you're stupid, your foot'll hurt until it turns ugly green and drops off, and I ain't going play with you no more."

Pike isn't sure which part of that explanation/threat works on Jimmy, but the blond-headed child goes limp and says easily enough, "Okay." Then, "Bones?" and reaches for Lenny.

Lenny sighs, aggrieved at the request, and pats Jimmy's head. "I'm here, dummy." McCoy tells Pike, "Get it out now, won't cha?"

Pike doesn't have to be told twice. He lifts Jimmy's left foot, plucks out the offensive staple which the boy had trod on at some point after McCoy left a trail of them into the bathroom. Then, not saying a word, he dabs the bottom of Jimmy's foot with a swab of alcohol, and after that leans over to brush the tears from the child's cheeks with his thumbs. "It's alright. You did good, son."

Jimmy sniffles once and is done with paltry emotion because Lenny is still patting his head. Kirk sits up and says, "I'm injured."

Lenny stops patting his friend. "Nuh-huh. You're fixed."

"Bones, I'm injuuured. 'N I get ice cream."

Good God, what is it with ice cream? Pike isn't sure that he stocked enough at this rate of demand.

Young McCoy considers that. Spock, too, has opened both of his eyes to stare at his Captain in consideration of this announcement. When Lenny climbs to his feet with the deduction, "That's right. I seen lots of kids at the hospital 'n they're always eating ice cream," and runs into the next room, Pike's brain needs only a moment to draw a very terrible conclusion. He says, rather bellows actually, to Jon, "After him! Lenny, LENNY, DON'T YOU DARE HURT YOURSELF FOR ICE CREAM—"

Jonathan has already disappeared in hot pursuit.

Pike points at Jimmy. "Don't move from this spot until I come back." To Spock, he says, "I hope you understand that it is _illogical_ to harm oneself for a treat."

The Vulcan stares at him and takes slightly too long to reply. "Affirmative, Admiral."

"Got him!" comes Archer's voice. "He's fine, just—wait, put that _down_, kid—Hey, _hammers are not toys! OWW—SHIT!_"

Pike finds Archer with a thumb in his mouth and a hammer by his feet. Lenny has abandoned the hammer in search of a better weapon in the open toolbox. He strides over to the dark-haired boy, closes the toolbox his idiot friend had brought into the house, and tucks it under his arm.

Lenny frowns. "I need that, Mr. Pike."

"No, you don't. As Mr. Archer said—" Jon is inspecting his thumb and muttering about budding psychotics. "—these tools are not toys. You can't play with them."

"Won't gonna play," insists McCoy.

That's what he is afraid of. He puts a hint of parental steel into his voice. "When I say no, I mean it, mister. If you refuse to abide by my rules, then I _will _call your mother and you _will_ go home early."

Lenny looks at him as if that possibility had not occurred to the child. The scowl drops from his face and he says with all seriousness, "I'm sorry, Mr. Pike. I wanna stay with Jimmy 'n Spock."

When Lenny's shoulders droop, Pike is mollified. "Alright, I believe you. But remember, I know what's best and you need to listen to me. Okay?"

McCoy nods.

He sighs. "Go back into the living room." When McCoy is at the doorway, Pike calls out, "Lenny!"

The boy cocks an ear.

"You can tell Jimmy that he won't be having ice cream tonight."

McCoy argues, "That's not fair, Mr. Pike. _He's hurt_."

"Yes, but I daresay he is already recovered from the shock of it. Go on now."

"Yes, Sir."

Pike kneels next to Archer once Lenny has left. "Quit being a baby and let me see."

"Damn, it stings," grunts the man.

He gives the thumb a cursory glance—no blood or missing skin—and grins at his friend. "You want Chris to kiss it and make it all better?"

Archer is not amused. "Bite me."

"Grumpy."

"Jackass."

"Geezer."

Jon asks, "Do you think McCoy noticed the scotch on the table?"

They stare at the nightstand.

"I do_ not_ want to be responsible for the consequences of turning these children into drunks," Pike states firmly. "Pour the rest down the sink."

"It's expensive!"

"And we're asking for trouble by leaving it there."

Jon slowly straightens, groaning about the ache of his knees. "If I have join the sobriety club, then you have to swear that you'll propose to Winona by the end of the month."

Pike's mouth drops open. "How did you—"

Archer grins, his smashed thumb forgotten. "Saw it in your sock drawer. For Christ's sake, Christopher, you are the most predictable boyfriend in the universe."

"Since when do you need to rifle through my sock drawer?" demands Pike.

Jon tilts his head in an odd imitation of Spock. "I always know where your things are. It's my _job_." Before Pike can retort, Archer adds, "Though why you didn't just leave it there..."

"Wait, what?"

"I looked last night. Where did you move it to? I mean, don't get me wrong, I was afraid Jimmy would find it and swallow it—"

"Jon," Pike says horrified, "I didn't move the ring!"

Jon stares at him. "Shiiiit."

Pike couldn't have said it better himself.


	5. Part Five

**I'm back! My Black Jewels Big Bang is complete at over 62,000 words (I know, right?) and now I can return to this wonderful, wonderful world of anxious!Pike and gleeful!Archer. Oh. And the naughty trio. :)**

**

* * *

Part Five**

Pike stares woefully at the old beagle who is half-asleep over his water bowl. Archer walks into the kitchen, disturbing the dog's drowsy contemplation of the universe and Porthos decides to have some more water.

The kitchen fills with the overly loud noises the dog makes as he drinks and Jonathan rearranging items in the refrigerator.

Pike clenches the napkin in his hand, unable to look away from Porthos.

_Is the ring settled inside that fat belly?_

With a mighty sigh, Porthos collapses back into his nap.

Archer plunks down a glass in front of Pike, startling the man from his dire thoughts. "You have the expression of a hoodlum about to steal an expensive car. And I don't like the fact that you're directing that look at _my_ Porthos."

"Maybe the kids fed Winona's ring to your dog."

Archer blinks. "That's crazy talk." Jonathan pauses before adding, "Though Porthos does like the finer things in life..."

Pike glares at his friend of many years. "I don't care how much you love that dog, Jon. If that diamond is..."

A flash of something dangerous passes through Archer's eyes. "Stay. Away. From. My. Beagle." The man punctuates each word with a jab of his finger into Pike's chest.

"Alright, alright!" Pike sighs. "I just... keep imagining horrific possibilities."

"So ask the little brats where they put it."

Pike stands up. "Archer, let it never be said that you are as dumb as you look." He smirks as Jon spews a mouthful of insults at his retreating back.

* * *

"SPOCK!"

Pike halts in his search for the boys and listens intently for Lenny's next scream of rage. As it happens, he is so busy turning about attempting to pinpoint the direction of where the echo might have come from that he is found instead.

A voice says at his hip, "Greetings, Admiral."

Pike almost dies of a heart attack right there in the hallway. Which would be atrociously sad because he has no one to bequeath his earthly possessions to, except a distant aunt who is far older and removed from the primary branch of his family tree by at least three marriages. He pictures a solemn Archer at the funeral, saying, "What a poor soul Christopher Pike was... now where's that infernal will? Did I get his brandy collection?"

"Spock! There you are—"

The Vulcan has no time for idle chat. "I require assistance in a matter of grave urgency."

They both turn their head at the sound of "SPOCK, YOU POINTY-EARED... SOMETHING OR OTHER! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF A NAME YET BUT IT'S GONNA BE REALLY REALLY BAD!" McCoy continues to rant along that vein.

Pike stuffs his hands into his sweater pockets. "Sounds like he's close by."

"Indeed. Might I implore you of the location of your... car keys?"

He sputters for a second before replying, "By God, no! Spock! You're too young—"

"A car is a mechanical device designed to accommodate the mental aptitude of a majority of Terrans. I believe that I shall find it relatively simple to maneuver."

Pike half-laughs, too surprised at the statement to be offended for his race. "It doesn't matter if you are a genius compared to the average human. You are _too young_ to drive a car unsupervised." He remembers who he is talking to. "Or even supervised," tacks on Pike.

When Spock displays no clear sign of disappointment, Pike still knows that the boy is unhappy. He reaches down and places a firm hand on the Vulcan's shoulder. "There will come a day when you are old enough, Spock. I promise."

The Vulcan fixes his dark eyes on Pike. "That is the logical assumption should I continue to grow, Admiral."

Pike nods and smiles. "Very logical."

Spock steps back, ending their contact. "If you will excuse me, Sir, I must depart."

"Now that I've found you—"

"Negative. I approached you, Admiral."

Pike corrects himself with grace. "Of course. My point is that I need to speak with you and Jimmy and Lenny on a matter as well."

"Ah."

It's then that McCoy rounds the corner, spies Spock, and lets out a hair-raising war cry. Spock prudently steps behind Pike.

"Leonard!"

Pike catches McCoy mid-hurdle and the boy swings his fists in Pike's grasp, hitting nothing but air or Pike's forearms. The man ignores the fact that he'll be sporting lovely bruises by nightfall.

"_Leonard!_"

McCoy stops fighting and seems to come back to himself, gasping for air as if his anger left him breathless.

Pike does not fail to notice Jimmy looking woefully between his Bones and Spock.

"No fighting," Pike says firmly. "Friends don't hit each other."

Lenny mutters dangerously, "Spock's not my friend."

Spock stiffens.

Pike's sigh is deep. He escorts all three children into the living room and makes them sit together on the couch. Leonard stays on the far end, frowning, and so Jimmy climbs into the middle spot as unhappy as Pike has ever seen the boy. Spock is expressionless and his eyes carefully blank.

"Tell me what happened," commands Pike.

Lenny sniffs and looks away from everyone. The way he crosses his arms is a definitely a defensive posture Pike is familiar with. He says gently, "Did Spock hurt your feelings, Leonard?"

"No," denies the boy at the same time that Spock interjects, "I would not do so."

Lenny whips his head around and glares at his Vulcan friend. "You did so!"

Spock's brows frown. "But you replied—"

"You said I'm not as important as you are, that's what you said!"

"That is false," the Vulcan counters. "I stated that your mother is not attending the 'vacation' as the Captain's mother and my mother are."

Lenny leans over Jimmy, his anger clear. "You're sayin' they didn't invite her 'cuz, 'cuz...!" The boy can't finish that sentence without his voice cracking.

Pike tries to soothe everyone's upset nerves. "It's okay, Lenny, calm down. Spock, I think you don't realize how Leonard has interpreted your comment."

McCoy is wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. Jimmy has broken his silence to offer Lenny the use of his sleeve too and say, "Spock didn't mean it, Bones. Your mommy's nice."

Pike sees the moment that Spock comprehends the situation.

"I did not seek to insinuate that your mother's desirability as a friend was less than that of Ms. Kirk or my mother. I-I meant—" Spock hesitates, which is unusual. "What I said does not matter, Leonard. Please accept my apology."

Jimmy is attempting to wipe Lenny's face as Winona would for her son if he had been upset and crying. The boy bats at Kirk to leave him alone. Then McCoy looks past Jimmy to Spock.

"You're sorry?" the boy asks tentatively.

Spock nods.

Lenny sighs. "Okay."

It's actually Jimmy and Pike who are the most relieved. Pike foresees many future misunderstandings between these friends and hopes that there will be just as many easy reconciliations. Despite that the boys seem to like each other, their group is an odd number; it is simply irrefutable that one of them will feel left out or suffer insecurity at times, while they mature and eventually learn the dynamics a strong friendship between three unique individuals.

Spock interrupts his thoughts with "You wish to speak to us, do you not, Admiral?"

He glances McCoy who still slightly red-eyed but recovered. _The resilience of the young,_ thinks Pike.

He fidgets for a moment in his recliner and decides to jump right in. An engagement ring is replaceable, of course, but Pike remembers the long hours deliberating over his choice (asking strangers their opinion of rings in the different jewelry stores, debating with himself until he was too wound up to sleep) and knows that to face that task again would be just as frightening as the first time.

Once Pike finishes a somewhat convoluted tale of a 'very special ring that Mr. Pike needs back _immediately_,' the boys blink innocently from their side-by-side perches on the living room couch.

Well, McCoy never looks entirely innocent as far as Christopher can tell, with that one-eyed half-squint of irritation. Lenny more often resembles a miniature annoyed adult than a boy of seven. Give McCoy height and a man's breadth to his thin shoulders, and people will pray fervently to the Lord that Leonard McCoy bypasses them without a second glace once they see him coming.

Jimmy _always_ looks innocent, from the cute pout of his lips to the angelic coloring of blond hair and vivid blue eyes. Of course, Pike's seen the child with that angelic look even as he was plotting the demise of a certain Klingon invader to his birthday party some months ago. Archer had ended up with cake bits in his hair while Jimmy happily bounced around Pike's fully decorated backyard (birthday balloons and all), white and blue icing already coating his fingers despite that the birthday cake was still in the kitchen. Later, Pike would scoop up little Kirk protectively when wrathful big female Kirk discovered that her baking handiwork had been demolished by her son.

Pike is certain that Spock works hard to combat the innocent blinking of his eyes and to appear as properly stoic as his father would. Yet people still stop Amanda Grayson in the park to compliment her on 'such a sweet little baby Vulcan! Look at those precious ears!' Winona likes to relate these stories when she returns from the bi-monthly mother-child strolls she and Amanda have concocted. (The two women have become as fast friends as their respective sons, Jimmy and Spock.)

The three children return his stare, silent as the dead. Pike drops his head into his hands.

"Mr. Pike?"

"Yes, Jimmy?" he mumbles through his fingers.

"Why's the ring special?"

He blushes. Spock's eyebrow lifts.

"Well you see, Jimmy... when a man likes your mommy as much as I do—"

"Mr. Pike wants to be your daddy," Lenny interrupts, most likely because he thinks Pike is beating around the bush—which Christopher definitely is.

Jimmy practically falls off the couch in his haste to depart the room. Pike begins to rise from his chair, calling, "Jimmy!" But the child has already disappeared.

Lenny falls over into Jimmy's vacated spot with a sigh and tosses an arm over his eyes. Spock tells Admiral Pike with too much calm, "The Captain will return momentarily."

Jimmy does, bearing a present clutched to his little chest. He thrusts it into Pike's hands. The man stares at the pudding cup, lid flapping open.

Then the Vulcan slides from his seat and walks over to the one potted plant that has survived Pike's care. The boy extricates a spoon from the dirt—Pike now wondering why one of his kitchen utensils was there in the first place—and solemnly hands it over to Pike.

Jimmy beams encouragingly.

Pike is about to tell the bright-eyed child that he is not hungry (particularly not when his spoon is dirt-crusted) but that look on Kirk's face tugs at his heart. He carefully balances the pudding cup on his knee and uses his sweater to wipe down the spoon.

"Hurry up already," grumps McCoy.

With the sigh of an aggrieved future-parent, Pike eats his pudding. He winces and tries to look pleased. There's definitely dirt in his pudding, despite his best efforts. Jimmy hugs his leg in a fierce grip and mumbles against the fabric of his pants. Pike is so distracted, he doesn't realize there is an odd lump in the dessert until his teeth crunch painfully on a solid object.

"Shit!"

He spits into his hand and stares.

It's the diamond ring.

Pike's mouth falls open.

From behind him, a voice that is none other than Archer's says, "Looks like you've been proposed to, old son."

Pike twists his head around the side of the recliner to look at Jonathan.

The man grins and asks insistently, "So...are you gonna accept?"

Pike's brain doesn't really understand. Archer cups a hand beside his mouth and whispers loudly, "Being Jimmy's daddy, you dolt!"

Oh. OH.

Jimmy hugs Pike's leg more tightly, refusing to look at the man. Christopher leans forward and runs a hand over the child's hair. "Of course," he says in a voice that he'd never admit trembles with emotion.

Those bright eyes peek up at him and Pike doesn't even bother to give Jimmy permission to climb into his lap. He hoists Kirk close and tucks the small body next to his. Jimmy says nothing, for once content with silence and sitting next to Mr. Pike.

From the couch a voice pipes dryly, "Congratulations." Then Lenny throws the arm off of his eyes, sits up, and says to Archer still lingering by the doorway, "You said we'd get a reward for followin' yer plan." The child crosses his arms. "I wanna go out." After a side-long glance at the Vulcan, Lenny adds, "Spock too."

Pike stops rocking in his recliner because he feels like he's been hit by a very large truck—with a very evil driver behind the wheel.

Said-metaphorical trucker driver says nervously, "Shit, kid. Don't you know the meaning of _keep a secret!_" Then, to Pike, "I can explain..."

As Pike rises from his chair, Kirk still clinging to him like a happy barnacle, he turns around to find that Jonathan has already fled the room. Pike shifts his bundle of boy.

_Jonathan Archer is going to die. Soon._


	6. Part Six

**Part Six**

As much as Pike would love to tell Jon to take his beagle and his sorry ass home, the man is not suicidal. He knows very well that, despite the return of Winona and Amanda tomorrow, he is less likely to survive until then on his own. _Archer has his usefulness_, Pike supposes. Even if the bastard is conniving, irritating, and much too arrogant.

Then again, hasn't Pike always known these things about his friend?

Christopher shakes his head at his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he wipes his wet hands on a faded green towel.

Damn. He likes Jonathan Archer, has liked the man since their first meeting…

_Two men stood together in a crowded room of chatting people – the Educators of Today convention in San Francisco, at the one-hour mark of its two hundredth and fiftieth anniversary. The shortest of the pair nudged his companion and pointed out the bellowing man at the edge of a group and said, "That's Jon—the one teacher adults are guaranteed to hate and teenagers to idolize."_

"_You mean _the _Jonathan Archer?" A young Christopher Pike turned to observe the way Archer winked broadly at a sour-faced woman and she frowned in obvious annoyance. "He must be doing something right to keep winning the city awards for excellence in teaching."_

_The other shrugged in response. "His students score off the charts—so yeah, I guess so." _

_Pike feigned interest as the fellow switched subjects and began to belabor a topic of discussion Christopher had very little interest in. Only two days settled in San Francisco and Pike was already picturing himself as a miserable, graying old man with a dull set of friends and an even duller career. This is _not_ what he imagined for himself after graduation._

"_Stop torturing the fellow, " a voice interrupted. _

_Chris jerked forward, unprepared, at the bruising slap on his back. An arm hooked around his shoulders to maneuver him upright and save Pike from the embarrassment of stumbling in plain sight._

_The famous Jonathan Archer was grinning. "You're new." He said it in the way crazies mean 'fresh meat.'_

_Most people would probably shrug off the man's arm, affronted at intimacy between strangers, or balk under __Archer's __strong personality. Christopher Pike has never been like most people. He lifted an eyebrow. "I'm not straight off the boat, so whatever far-fetched wisdom you're about to impart… Don't waste your breath."_

"_New _and_ spunky," clarified his recently (within the last five seconds) acquired friend._

_The man who had been interrupted in his diatribe—and his goal to bore Christopher—said in a voice laced with hint of venom, "Go pester the Board of Directors to fund another one of your pointless 'educating trips down memory lane,' Archer."_

_Mr. Archer replied, "Already done that." He smirked at them both. "Money acquired—on the condition that I leave the poor woman alone for at least ten minutes." The older man, early forties Pike would guess, shook the watch on his wrist for effect. "Her time's almost up."_

_Pike couldn't help himself. He laughed._

_Archer seemed to think that was a good sign. "If you are a decent soul, you'll save her from my abominable presence."_

"_How do you propose I do that?" asked Pike._

"_Find me some good whiskey."_

"_At a teacher's conference?"_

"_The place where it's needed most, besides the classroom."_

_Pike looked at him and said slowly, "How about I punch you and roll your unconscious body under a table. I imagine people would be grateful enough to pretend ignorance of my crime."_

"_At a teacher's conference?" Archer tossed his words back at him, then pulled away. He held out his hand, smiling. "Jonathan Archer, mean old man extraordinaire."_

_Pike shook it. "Christopher Pike. I'm afraid I'm not much of anything at the moment."_

_Jonathan eyed him. "So… which age group are you aiming for then?"_

"_Straight out of toddler-dom."_

_Jonathan didn't react as most men would. (Women were usually thrilled and lauded Pike—or tried get his phone number.) "Hmm. Interesting. Tell you what, let's go find the hotel bar and you can explain the appealing nature of brats to a hard-hearted bastard like me."_

"_Somehow I think this is just a ploy so you can a drink on another man's dime."_

"_Oh, that's definitely part of it," Archer agreed mildly. Then he added with a bit of seriousness that surprised Pike, "Besides being a guy who loves liquor, I am also a discerning man—and I discern an interesting air about you, Christopher Pike." _

_Archer didn't wait for his reply, simply marched off in the clear expectation that Pike would follow._

_Christopher did, tuning out the upset "Hey, the meeting isn't over! What about the announcement of this year's budget—"_

_Archer was waiting for him in the lobby. "C'mon. I just saw a pair of the most gorgeous lady legs walk by." Pike was hauled by his jacket at an alarming speed towards the elevators. Managing to plant his feet enough to cause Archer pause, the older man asked blankly, "What?"_

_Pike put on his best glare. "Since when does a drink include picking up women?"_

"_Since when does bar lounging exclude picking up women?" Jonathan asked in return, eyebrows raised. "With your good looks and my charm—"_

_He sighed. "Forget it." As Pike pivoted on the ball of his foot, already chastising himself for his gullibility, a hand landed on his arm, not restraining him but asking permission. Christopher paused and looked over his shoulder to find an unreadable look on Archer's face._

"_I meant it… when I said you seemed interesting, Chris," the man explained. "I'm, for lack of a better term, socially challenged. We'll get a drink, nothing else. You like brandy?"_

_His shoulders relaxed and he decided to go with his gut instinct. "Sure. Brandy's good."_

_Yet it was not surprising to Pike when they settled at the bar that a wicked look was back in Archer's eyes. Jon said to his new friend, "At the next bar we can pick up ladies, right?"_

_Pike snorted over his glass and refused to answer. Instead, he made good on his end of their deal and began to talk about his long-held desire to teach and guide budding young minds towards their potential. _

_Jonathan Archer drank, made ribald comments, but most of all, he listened._

… "Mr. Pike!"

A fist bangs on the bathroom door and he comes back to the present with a snap.

The abused door rattles on its hinges. "Mr. Pike!" It's Lenny's voice. "It ain't normal to have ta pee that long!" Then, "Spock, maybe he died and fell in the toilet or sumthin'. Can'tcha—"

BOOM BOOM BOOM—

Pike jerks the door open before it has a baby Vulcan fist-sized hole in the middle. "I'm fine."

Lenny eyes him, then nods as if satisfied that Pike looks fit for his very old age. "Jimmy's in the car 'n we're ready to go but you gotta come to, Mr. Pike." Both boys turn as a unit and lead the way to the garage. Pike dutifully follows.

Jimmy has his little fists wrapped around the steering wheel, tongue peeking from between his lips as his feet struggle to pump the pedals of the car. Pike automatically feels for the keys in his pocket to reassure himself of an averted disaster. The keys are still on his person—a miracle in itself.

That is when, of course, as he opens the door—telling Spock to be gentle with his convertible, "It's an antique, Spock, and hard to fix when it breaks"—that Pike finds Jonathan in the backseat, Porthos almost clutched to the man's chest. The dog's head droops over Archer's arm, a long trail of drool already puddling on the car's leather seat.

Jon grunts quietly "Hi."

Pike looks at his friend and goes with his gut instinct as he did all those years ago. He plucks Jimmy from the driver's seat and slides into the car. While adjusting the rear-view mirror, he says, "Do you really have to bring the dog, Jon?"

Jon meets his eyes in the mirror. "He can stay in the house if you want."

After a moment, Pike's mouth lifts at the corner. "Might as well let Porthos come along. He's family too."

Archer nods, saying nothing but understanding easily enough that Pike forgives him.

Lenny interrupts, "Hey, I don't wanna sit next to the dog!" Then with every ounce of disgust a seven year-old can muster, "EW, he's _slobbering_—why can't Jimmy sit back here!"

And so ensues a diversion involving rampant children in the car—entangled limbs, loud protests, scratched upholstery and all.

Pike is honestly surprised when they make it out of the garage and into traffic in one piece. Then the realization settles in: their afternoon outing has only begun.

Jon says, "How high can you kids count?"

Spock's smooth answer is "To an infinite degree." Jimmy says proudly, "Over a'hundred!" Lenny and Pike groan.

With a cheerfulness that bodes ill, Archer begins to sing, "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer...!"

McCoy asks if beer tastes good.

Pike, staring straight ahead onto a seemingly endless road, starts to understands why a good and decent family man is more liable to crack than most.

**

* * *

I have no idea why this story doesn't stop growing. D: And this time, I blame Pike for the storyline tangent.**


	7. Part Seven

**Part Seven**

Pike glances at his companion in the front passenger seat. Porthos is sprawled on his side and snoring. Pike returns his attention to the road in time to catch sight of a sign announcing that their destination is close. Things will go more smoothly once everyone is out of his car and racing alongside the bay.

There are four passengers squished together in the backseat. Archer's frown matches McCoy's, one big and one small, and barely separated by the close press of their sides. Lenny had drawn the line at sitting in Jonathan's lap (for which Pike suspects Jon is grateful.)

Jimmy is situated on the other side of Lenny and dozing on Spock's shoulder. The Vulcan is staring out the window.

"Your bony elbow is poking me again, boy," complains Jonathan.

Lenny squirms, purposefully jabbing the adult a few times in the process.

At Archer's incensed look, Pike asks for the fifth time, "Why can't you sit in the front, Jon?"

"I was here first."

McCoy disagrees. "Nuh-uh, I got in the car first!"

Pike remembers the way that the boy had come running towards Pike's car at the pit-stop they had pulled into, jumped in back while ignoring Pike's "Did you wait on your friends, Lenny?" and locked the door.

"That's because your bladder is half the size of mine, squirt!"

"You're old. Old people forget their potty trainin'."

Pike laughs.

Archer's face reddens. "That's a lie! I can hold it longer than you!"

Pike interrupts before the challenge is accepted. "No contests—orders from the Admiralty."

Lenny and Archer sigh like Pike just killed their fun.

The driver remarks in a level voice, "We have less than a day left in the weekend and I don't want to spend the remainder of it at a hospital because you two refuse to use the bathroom like sane people."

The tension in his back dissipates as he pulls the car into the familiar public parking lot near the San Francisco Bay. Wondering if he should park closer to the public restrooms, Pike still hasn't figured out why the kids announced that they had to pee immediately _afte_r leaving the house. It had taken several detours before Spock had declared one particular fast-food restaurant to be 'a suitable establishment to purge bodily fluids.' It is obvious to Pike that the young Vulcan has never found himself in the middle of nowhere and had make do with worse, like peeing in the woods; God forbid a Vulcan forgo dignity.

This prompts Pike to wonder when he can take Jimmy and his friends on a camping trip.

_Don't invite Archer_, he tells himself sternly as he locates a free space and parks the car. Jonathan thinks that a camping trip is code for bring a gun, bring a dog (despite that Porthos only stares at rabbits instead of chasing them), and shoot random things—rather ironic considering that Archer becomes emotional at the sight of a dying animal.

"We're here!" announces McCoy with a shove at Kirk.

The boy blinks awake, instantly wide-eyed and alert. Pike is always amazed that Jimmy can take ten-minute naps anywhere and everywhere if he decides to. That must be the child's secret to maintaining such high levels of _go-go-go_ like a wind-up toy. Jim Kirk will, no doubt, carry his habits into adulthood—and drive his family insane. Maybe Pike will be to convince his son to join a track team in later years, or something equally invigorating for people with too much energy.

Then Christopher Pike realizes that he just thought the word_ son_ and forgets to switch off the car. It takes Jon prodding at his shoulder to remind him that the boys are already loose in the parking lot and itching to run down to the bay.

"C'mon, Chris, let's go!" Archer heaves his dog out of the front seat and leashes Porthos, who is still half-asleep.

"Oh. Right." Pike clears his throat, pulls the key out of the ignition, unhooks his seat belt and vacates his antique convertible.

"Pike."

"Mmm?" He turns at the question in Archer's voice.

"You forgot to lock the car."

"Right. Lock the car." He does so. Jonathan is eyeing him strangely.

Then Jimmy bounces up to the pair of adults with bright eyes and says, "We're at the beach!"

Pike smiles and catches that small hand in his. "Not quite, Jimmy. We're at a very large body of water called a bay."

"Is it bigger than the ocean?"

"No, dumb-head," interrupts McCoy. "Oceans are bigger. Ain't nobody can swim across an ocean!"

Pike doesn't like the gleam in Jimmy's eyes. He leads his charges down to the waterside with Archer and Porthos tagging along in the rear of their group.

Jimmy points and shouts, "It's a boat! Can we go on the boat, Mr. Pike?"

_And who would be the first to fall off the boat?_ Pike isn't prepared to dive for children today.

"We're not going in the water."

Kirk's bottom lip protrudes but he does not argue.

Pike says as he points out a path, "Your mother likes to walk here sometimes."

"Mama?" Jimmy looks around.

Remembering the stroll along the bay that he shared with Winona as their second date makes his heart skip a beat or two. He had bought her ice cream, much to her joy and laughter. After that date, Pike thinks he might have convinced Winona that they had a connection worth exploring.

He is saying, "If I remember correctly, there is a little stand that sells—"

"We lost Spock," Archer states.

Pike stops, noting that McCoy is far ahead of them and Spock, it seems, has disappeared. He accidentally loosens his grip on Kirk's hand and the boy seizes the opportunity to run away.

"Jimmy!"

"Bones! Bones!" shouts the boy as he hurdles toward his friend.

Lenny turns around to look. "What?"

"Where's Spock?"

The dark-haired child shrugs. "How should I know?"

"Spock's gone!"

Pike and Archer catch up to the two children but Jimmy and Lenny ignore Christopher's frantic "Don't run! I need to be able to see you at all times."

McCoy is suggesting that Spock stopped to look at bugs or something. "Vulcans think _everything _is interesting," explains the Chief Medical Officer to the Captain.

Kirk nods in agreement. "Let's go back that way," he says as he takes Lenny's hand and tugs the other boy in the opposite direction.

The adults block their path. "Jon, take Jimmy."

"Why do I get the genius toddler?"

"Take Jimmy, go back to the parking lot and look for Spock." Kirk dodges as Archer tries to grab him. Pike barks, "_James!_ Go with Mr. Archer. That's an order."

Pike says to Leonard McCoy, "I won't hold your hand if you promise to stay close to me. Can you do that?"

"I don't need no hand-holdin'," says the child indignantly. "I'm not a baby."

"Good. Let's find Spock."

Pike allows Lenny to call for his friend because he thinks that the Vulcan is more likely to answer the aggravated shouting of "SPOCK! WHERE ARE YOU!" from a peer.

Then McCoy starts to say "You'd better be dead, Spock, 'cuz Mr. Pike is really really mad!"

Couples stop to stare; one woman (whose little girl clutches her hand and asks "Mama, Mama, I want to see the dead Spock!") shoots Pike a look of deep disapproval. He tries to hush the boy. "Don't get carried away, Leonard. We want Spock to be okay, not dead."

McCoy halts to consider that. "We do?"

"Yes," answers Pike firmly.

"I guess if he's dead then he can't come to my house like he said he would," concedes the child.

Spock isn't hiding behind bushes or trees or studying pigeon poop like Lenny thinks his friend might be; by the time Pike and McCoy have taken the long detour down to the water, Pike stares out at the sunlight glinting off of calm waves and imagines a scene where he has to explain to Amanda and Sarek that Spock drowned in the San Francisco Bay. Ambassador Sarek would be perfectly correct to kill Christopher Pike.

What had he been thinking, to bring three kids who regularly found trouble when there was only Pike and Archer to watch them? The simple fact is that Kirk, Spock, and McCoy require an army of adults to keep them safe.

Oh God, what if Spock's been kidnapped?

Despite the boy's super-strength and logical mind, he is still a child. If—

A voice calls, "Mister! Is this one yours?"

He spins around to find two strangers and Spock walking towards them. McCoy takes off running and Pike can't blame the boy. Christopher settles for long strides instead of running himself. He is already thanking the young man and woman while simultaneously fussing at the Vulcan.

"Thank you! Spock, what were you thinking? I can't believe you—really, I appreciate this so much," he says as he shakes the man's hand. The guy grins and introduces himself as Will Decker and the woman as his wife Ilia.

"It's no problem, honest. We had stopped for ice cream and—"

It all falls into place. Pike stares down at the calm Vulcan who is enduring Lenny's onslaught of questions. "Spock," he interrupts. McCoy glares at Pike for the interruption. "Were you… trying to get some ice cream?" How in the world did Spock know the stand was there?

"Affirmative. I attempted to purchase the seller's product, but he refused to accept my payment."

Pike hadn't considered the possibility that Spock had money with him. Perhaps Amanda had given it to her son. "You brought money?"

"I do not carry currency on my person, Admiral."

He bends down to Spock's level. The child lifts his eyebrow.

"You can't buy ice cream without money, Spock."

The young man laughs. "I think he was bargaining his parents' house or something for an ice cream cone!"

"It was so cute," the wife adds. "He's such a smart little guy."

"I was negotiating," Spock corrects flatly. "This is an acceptable practice for securing a contract of supply and demand. I fail to understand why the seller denied my proposition. My offer was logical and generous." He blinks.

Pike is crying with laughter (or hysteria) on the inside. "What did you offer?" he asks, knowing that he really shouldn't inquire.

"Your Earth government has lent my father the use of several properties on this planet. I chose the one which is least suitable for the purposes of his travel. It is—" Spock pauses, his brain clearly running through a list of apt descriptions. "—referred to as a 'penthouse.'"

Both Pike and Decker make the same noise of disbelief. Then Decker gives a low whistle and admits, "The man's a fool not to have taken that deal."

Christopher pinches the bridge of his nose. "Thank you," he tells the couple again. "Spock, don't walk off alone. I am responsible for you and you must stay where I can see you. Understand?"

The Vulcan nods once.

The woman reaches out and touches his arm in a sympathetic gesture. "Children are lovely but also difficult to handle on occasion."

"I know. Trust me, I know."

Decker slips an arm around his wife's shoulders and nods to Pike. "Should we be on the lookout for any more wandering kids?" The man doesn't realize that his words may be less of a joke and more of a reality.

Pike's smile is rueful. "There is a third but he's—ah, here he comes now."

Decker and his wife glance to where Pike has directed his gaze, then make a hasty excuse to retreat. Pike wishes he could run away too.

Kirk cries "Spock!" at the sight of his friend. His heels kick at Archer's chest like he is spurring on a horse. Perhaps the boy is. Jonathan grunts and trots over to them, Porthos's stomach swaying back and forth at the brisk pace. Jimmy rides atop the man's shoulders.

"It was the only way to keep him close," Jon explains, short of breath. Then Jon looks at Spock, says "I vote we strap all of them together with duck-tape" and winces as Jimmy pulls at his hair. "Easy, kid! My hair's thin enough as it is."

Captain Kirk observes his crew with a glow of pleasure and a hint of mischief. Then he turns his attention solely to his First Officer. "Mr. Spock," the Captain talks in his 'important' voice, "report!"

Pike plans to start supervising Kirk's television habits soon. '_Report?' _What in the world is he watching?

"There is a habitat approximately zero point four-four-five miles to the northeast, Captain."

Jimmy bounces on Jon's shoulders. "What is it?"

"It is a small, public structure which sells appropriate nourishment for the body."

At the small 'o' of Jimmy's mouth, McCoy inputs, "It's got ice cream and candy and stuff!"

Captain Kirk wholeheartedly approves. "Yeah!" He uses his fistfuls of hair to steer his vessel. When it doesn't move, he leans over the top of Jon's head to frown down at Archer.

"I think your _na-vee-gator-al_ system is broke," says Lenny.

"It's tired," clarifies Archer. "It wants to go home."

"No!" disagrees the blond-headed boy fiercely. "To the ice cream!"

"Jimmy," warns Pike. "If you can't behave respectfully, then Mr. Archer will put you down."

Jonathan's look reads _why can't I dump him on the ground right now?_

Jimmy ignores that threat. "I wanna go to the water."

"No." Pike tells Spock and McCoy to keep track of one another ("Never let your comrade out of your sight when on a mission, boys.") and to head back to the path. Then he follows the pair of children.

Archer trails behind, deep in complaints about the literal burden on his shoulders. Said-burden uses the height of his perch to pluck at the leaves of the trees overhead and tuck them into Jon's hair or down the back of Jon's shirt. Eventually, when Archer drops Porthos' leash to swing the child off of his shoulders and into the air like he plans to chuck the boy God-knows-where (probably a nearby bush), Pike intervenes and rescues Kirk. He lets the child ride on his own shoulders instead. Jimmy pats the top of Mr. Pike's head with a happy hum and surprisingly does not fidget the remainder of the way to their destination.

The person handing an ice cream cone to a teenager on a skateboard spies them coming—probably identifies their group as Spock and Spock's posse respectively. He tries to close up shop in a matter of seconds and fails.

The Vulcan announces "I have returned" and the ice cream man pales.

Archer slips up to the stand (which is little more than a glorified cart) and leans in with a wide grin. He slaps a hand down next to a small register and says, "One tub of strawberry ice cream please."

"A cup, Sir?"

Jon snorts. "Hell no. Spock, here—" His thumb indicates the patiently waiting Vulcan whose hands are clasped behind his back. "—requires the _entire _tub."

Pike clears his throat to say, when the poor fellow looks like he expects to be robbed of his merchandise (as if Pike and Archer are kneecap-breaking lackeys of a miniature Vulcan mob boss), "We'll pay, of course."

Then McCoy kicks the side of the cart with "I can't see the ice cream. How am I supposed to know what flavor I want?"

Spock slides around McCoy before Pike can safely place Jimmy on the ground and stop the Vulcan from tilting the cart. People scream (actually just the cart owner in horror and McCoy in glee), Archer steps out of range of flying waffle cones, and Pike pulls Leonard back from a potential crushing object while trying to prevent a disaster and a legal suit.

The cart hangs at an unnatural angle until Spock realizes that Pike is preventing McCoy from seeing the ice cream. Then he releases the cart; it drops back onto all four wheels with a rattle.

The ice cream man remains open-mouthed as Archer adds for flare, "And that's just a taste of what can happen, my friend. I suggest you sell us that tub now. Oh, and sprinkles. We want sprinkles."

Pike is too embarrassed to do much other than pay for the purchase, handing off the one-gallon tub of strawberry ice cream in a large sack to Spock, and tipping generously for collateral damage. He quickly ushers the kids farther along the path, spending the next few minutes glancing over his shoulder certain that policemen are in pursuit. When the group, dog included, spread out on a pair of benches (the adults and dog on one; the boys on the other), Pike runs a hand through his hair and is amazed that most of it is still attached to his head.

Spock, Jimmy, and Lenny look at Mr. Pike expectantly.

"We need spoons," McCoy points out in a serious voice.

Archer produces a handful of plastic spoons from his pocket, then a second handful of napkins. "Never fear. Archer always comes prepared."

Pike accepts his spoon with a sigh and watches as the children eat enough dessert to qualify as dinner.

Tomorrow. He can make it to tomorrow. Winona is coming home then. Unfortunately, that is not soon enough for her boyfriend.


	8. Part Eight

**Part Eight**

It happens thus:

Jimmy insists that he be allowed to at least look at the San Francisco Bay. "I wanna go over there, Mr. Pike!"

Pike eyes the short pier with trepidation—no railings, unevenly spaced boards and an expanse of dark water calmly lapping beneath.

Spock is frozen where he stands, as if the thought of approaching anything _wet_ repeals him. "I will remain with Mr. Archer and his—" The Vulcan observes Porthos, who sighs mightily, for a moment.

"Dog," inputs McCoy. "That's a dog."

"I am aware of the local terminology for this creature."

Lenny crosses his arms. "Then say it. DOG."

"I will remain with Mr. Archer and Porthos," Spock states to Mr. Pike, ignoring McCoy.

"Porthos always appreciates company," supplies Jonathan with a grin at the small Vulcan.

"I suspect that he is indifferent," Spock answers. "When I advance to the next level of telepathic training, I will confirm this by communicating directly with Porthos' mind." He pauses. "If Porthos is indeed how the canine wishes to be addressed."

Pike laughs softly because Jon's expression is half-disbelief and half-curiosity.

"When… will you be able to talk to my beagle?" asks Archer.

Spock is quiet for all of the five seconds it takes to calculate a response. "In precisely ten point four nine years."

"Ha!" interrupts Lenny. He points his finger at the Vulcan. "Four nine! Where's t'other one? You always say another number!"

Spock stiffens. "I do not understand."

Pike tells McCoy, "Don't pick on your friend, Leonard."

The boy frowns. "But he always says another number 'cuz he thinks he's smarter than us and 'cuz he is gooder at numbers."

"Better," corrects Pike. "And yes, Spock is better at numbers. Math is one of the fortes of Vulcans."

"I can add," Lenny insists. "What else is there?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Pike notices that Jimmy is staring off into the distance with that trademark intense look of concentration. He clears his throat and shifts on his feet, prepared to step in between Kirk and whatever plans Kirk is dreaming up.

Spock, fortunately, realizes that his mathematical integrity is being questioned. "The number system is the basic code in which the science of mathematics builds upon; it is merely an introduction into a diverse and infinite range of possible avenues for knowledge."

McCoy is stubbornly unimpressed. "I can _subtract _too."

Pike sighs. "Spock, don't worry about Leonard's education. He will—" _catch up?_ No, probably not, as Vulcans outpace humans with finesse in areas of science by a wide margin. "—understand a little better someday."

Spock accepts Pike's wisdom with a solemn nod.

Lenny is about to argue, rant, or scowl fiercely but before he does any—or all—of the three, Kirk leans in to whisper something in McCoy's ear. The dark-haired boy closes his mouth, shrugs, and turns back to Spock. "Captain says debriefing in five."

"That will be acceptable."

The word "debriefing" strikes terror into Pike's heart. He clearly recalls the usual events that follow on the heels of a debriefing from the days of Little Star Academy; it often ended in Pike pulling tape out of a traumatized postal worker's hair while trying to explain to a group of children that the mailman is not, nor has ever been, a delinquent space pirate.

Then Leonard McCoy walks over to Pike, grabs a handful of his shirt and reels the adult down to his level.

"Yes, Lenny?"

"Once the Captain's had his swim, can we go for hot dogs?"

It takes a moment too long for those words to ripen in Pike's brain; only Jonathan's bellow of "Kid about to drown!" has Christopher spinning around and taking off in pursuit of the boy who starts running the moment he is spied sneaking away.

Jimmy is fast, young, and full of dangerous ideas with little mature sense to combat them.

Pike has aching knees, twice as much grey hair as he did yesterday, and plenty of adult wisdom but no way to convince a small mischievous boy to listen other than by shaking the child like a rattle.

"Jimmy! Stay away from the water!"

The boy does the unexpected by veering to the right the moment he is one step from skipping onto the pier (and subsequently can slip between the gaps of the boards and sink into the bay; Pike pictures this scenario with ease and horror). Kirk disappears around the side of wide, wooden post and_ underneath_ the pier, instead.

Pike is panting by the time he catches up and almost slips in the mud as he scrambles down an incline to the shore of the bay. There are only elongated, dark shadows and the sound of water gently breaking against the beams of the pier.

His heart beats in time to the mantra of Kirk's name in his head. "Jimmy?"

He sees a flash of movement behind a beam and strides over to catch the miscreant before the boy can dash away again. Jimmy peeks out, realizes the adult has discovered his hiding spot and sprints to the next beam for safety. His shirt, the glimpse that Pike is presented with, is already streaked with slime and dirt.

They play this game for several minutes, skirting the water's edge and running from beam to beam. Pike is hampered by the fact that he is too tall and has to hunker down like an idiot while attempting to grab a tiny, pelting child who laughs with glee each time that Pike is too slow. His back protests every movement fiercely; his head aches from unfortunate contact with solid wood.

Eventually, the man concedes "You win!" Deciding that his pants are beyond salvaging, Pike finds a less-than-usual muddy spot to toss his sweater over and sits down. For three minutes there is blessed silence and no Kirk while the boy tries to decide if this is a ploy of Mr. Pike's to catch him.

"Mr. Pike?"

He says nothing and sighs into a hand.

"Mr. Pike?" Jimmy has figured out that Pike doesn't want to play anymore.

"I'm not very happy with you right now," he tells Kirk.

"Why?"

Again, Pike opts to say nothing. Instead, he waits.

Jimmy meets him silence for silence and finally trots into view, though the child lingers where the water meets the land. His shoe scuffs at a rock or something equally mysterious that Pike can't see. The man watches as Jimmy squats down then and sticks his fingers into a puddle of water.

Archer finds them like that. An eyebrow lifts in the direction of Pike, as if to say _Are you daft? Why are you lying about?_

Lenny and Spock flank either side of Jonathan; Porthos is elsewhere. Pike thinks there is a dog-like blur farther in the distance, drinking out of the San Francisco Bay. (It's a good thing that Jon has his back to that.) The Vulcan is expressionless but his eyes dart over to Jimmy. It is unsurprising, Spock's blatant (for a Vulcan) dislike of his close proximity to the water.

McCoy calls, "Captain!"

Captain Kirk stands up.

Mr. Spock walks under the pier, followed by the Chief Medical Officer. Jonathan makes a face of pain as he practically crawls to Pike's side.

"Cozy," says the older man as he pokes at a moldy green substance that has dripped onto the sleeve of his shirt.

Pike rolls his eyes.

Kirk initiates the meeting. "Hello."

Spock lifts his splayed fingers in the traditional Vulcan hello.

"I ain't got all day" is McCoy's reply.

With easy understanding, the bright blue-eyed child nods. "Tomorrow you 'n Spock are going away." The words are said with seriousness and only a hint of complaint.

"Affirmative."

Kirk looks at his friends and Pike is struck by an image of the child as an adult. A strange pride fills him.

Lenny seems to know where this conversation is headed. "We'll come back." He glances at the Vulcan next to him. "Won't we?"

"Affirmative."

Jimmy presents each of his friends with a pebble from the ground. "Don't forget."

Lenny takes his gift. "Okay."

"I shall not forget," Spock promises his captain.

Pike's heart is melting just a little by the time Porthos wanders in. The dog trots past the trio and settles his belly and back legs in the lukewarm water of the bay, gives a content groan and licks dirt off of his nose.

Jonathan, next to Pike, groans too. "Do you know how much a decent professional dog groomer in this city costs?"

"Jon, that wet mutt is not riding in my car."

"Well, I ain't calling a cab, sweetheart. Deal with it."

Jimmy and Lenny say simultaneously, "Hot dogs?" Spock offers his silent approval of this idea, probably because he is more than ready to be away from the high probability of being splashed by a playful Kirk neck-deep in water. Pike too agrees that the "outing" has come to a conclusion.

He nudges Jon into action with his elbow. When the man is too preoccupied with fussing over the beagle who seems to happy to remain where he is, Pike gives up and ushers the children out from under the pier.

_Jonathan will catch up. Sooner or later._

Jimmy lets McCoy and Spock lead so that he can walk alongside the Admiral. When a small hand cautiously touches the side of Pike's, Christopher opens his hand and allows the boy to hold onto him. His anger has dissipated because of a simple, now-obvious fact. He asks, already knowing the answer, "You wanted to go down to the water to find goodbye presents for your friends, didn't you, son?"

The boy nods.

"Next time, just tell me that and we'll look together. If you want it to be a surprise, you can whisper it in my ear and I promise we will find a way to get what you need."

"Okay."

They walk back to the car without incident. As Pike is painstakingly attempting not to notice the sandy shoes in his car or the trail of black smudged fingerprints on its leather seats, Jonathan dumps a wet and smelly Porthos into the front seat. "No more pond-wallowing for you, old boy," Archer scolds his dog.

Pike sets his teeth, starts the car when everyone is settled, and drives around to find a place that will accept a group of disheveled adults and dirty children. He finally supposes that any fast food restaurant will do, so long as he has plenty of money in his bank account to cover the inevitable fees (enough to feed a small village and pay damages alike).

At the counter of a Stop and Shake burger shack, Lenny demands a hot dog with lots of mustard (_"'n no ketchup, Mr. Pike, 'cuz ketchup is girly"_). Spock pontificates on the production of the french fry and bombards the cashier with questions. When Pike says, pitying the fresh-faced young man with confusion written on his face, "French fries won't hurt you, Spock," the Vulcan considers Mr. Pike for only a moment before turning back to the cashier. "We will require a notarized copy of your annual food safety audit report before we may proceed with our order." Pike prompts the baby Vulcan (turned tenacious health inspector) to tag along with Jonathan and asks the pair to find a table.

Jimmy eats two large orders (Spock's and his) and then one of Lenny's hot dogs. The boy's stomach bulges beneath his shirt at the overindulgence, and Christopher is left to wonder how a child can eat a bucket full of ice cream and then some two hours later consume enough food for two adults.

McCoy, on the other hand, slowly puts down a half-eaten hot dog, looks at Pike and remarks, "I may throw up on you."

All things considered, Lenny is courteous enough to give fair warning.

Pike is extremely tired once they arrive home. When he falls asleep late into the night, having stayed up with McCoy through another bout of stomach sickness and comforted the child, it is with the lingering knowledge that tomorrow he will be both happy and sad that the weekend is over.


	9. Part Nine

**Previous part posted two days ago. Please read first if you have not!**

**

* * *

Part Nine**

"Chris, I'm actually impressed."

Pike's side-long glance at his friend is full of cynicism. "You mean you're surprised that I haven't burnt down the kitchen."

"Precisely." Jon grins as he automatically reaches out to stop Jimmy from licking the remnants of chocolate chip cookie dough off of a spoon without looking at the kid.

Pike levels a hard stare at Kirk from across the kitchen. "Cookie dough goes in the oven, not the mouth, son. You can eat what's left-over once we've filled up the trays."

Lenny, who is perched across from Kirk with his own bowl of dough (peanut butter cookies, because McCoy insists that peanut butter is better than chocolate), tells Pike somewhat off-handedly, "This stuff's gonna end up in my digestive tract anyway, so what's the point of heatin' it up?" He sticks a dough covered finger in his mouth to prove his point. "Tastes good already, Mr. Pike."

"At the proper temperature, a chemical reaction of the—"

McCoy breaks into Spock's lecture with a heavy sigh.

The Vulcan blinks. "If you are familiar with the purpose of the traditional oven, Leonard, you might have indicated this."

With a roll of his eyes, the boy smacks his spoon into his bowl with loud _whap_'s. "'Course I know what an oven's for! It bakes stuff and Ma said it's dangerous to play with 'cuz it can bake _people _too."

Jimmy stops stirring the contents of his bowl like a mini turbo-blender and perks up. "Can it bake Mr. Joe?"

Lenny considers this. "Yeah."

Kirk is off of his stool and gone in a flash. Pike has already positioned himself in a defensive stance in front of the oven by the time the boy reappears. In Jimmy's hand is a G.I. Joe action figure.

Archer snickers into his glass of iced tea—which Pike suspects is laced with something strong and un-tea-like. "Why the hell is that thing missing a leg?" the man wants to know.

Pike answers, eyes fixed on Kirk who bounces around the other side of the table to show Lenny his mauled toy, "Leonard declared that it had to be amputated after an incident with my lawn mower."

He recalls that day with crystal clarity. Winona was supposed to be watching the two boys one afternoon some months ago while Pike painstakingly mowed his back lawn so that it was presentable by Winona's standards. Then the machine had given a chug or two and died. G.I. Joe (definitely not an object belonging to Pike) barely survived extrication from the blades—not to mention that his lawn mower now cuts the grass at a noticeable slant. Jimmy, upon seeing the state of Mr. Joe, had looked devastated. McCoy had taken it from his friend with a surprising gentleness and said, "He'll live but we gotta take his leg."

So the right leg was wrenched off, Mr. Joe didn't die after all, and Kirk was a lot happier.

Pike is brought back to the present by Spock's frowning eyebrows.

"It is illogical to place a polymer compound under extreme heat. The integrity shall be compromised."

Jimmy says, as he gives his toy a hard _thwack_ against the edge of the table, "If he goes in the oven, he'll get bigger!"

"Negative," argues the Vulcan, who then launches into a detailed and very scientific explanation of what happens to plastic in the oven.

McCoy nods along with Spock. "Mr. Joe'll die in there, Jimmy. It ain't a good idea."

Kirk looks between the two boys. Then with a reluctant acceptance, the child balances his action figure against his glass of milk and climbs back on to his stool. Pike relaxes.

One call to the fire department averted.

"Mr. Pike, I have completed exactly two hundred and fifty full rotations of the mixture. It is now ready." Spock presents his bowl of dough to the adult. Pike leads the Vulcan over to an already lined baking tray and asks him to fit as many as spoonfuls as possible on the tray. Spock takes a minute to calculate the optimal number of cookies which can be produced in relation to the volume of the dough, size specifications of the tray, and projected diameter of the once-baked cookies. He then proceeds to shape precise two-inch balls of dough and places them in even rows along the tray.

Jimmy is the next one to approach, ready to ladle out his chocolate chip cookie dough. Pike says nothing at the distinct difference in amount of cookie dough compared to Spock's, or the smear of chocolate on the end of Kirk's nose.

Lenny pokes Pike in the back with his spoon. "Gimme a tray, Mr. Pike."

Some minutes later, Pike accepts the completely filled tray from McCoy with a raised eyebrow. The boy informs him, "My mama makes peanut butter cookie _bars_," as if it is ludicrous to do otherwise.

"Mamas know best," Chris replies with a wink. "Jimmy, _your _mother will be home soon. Have you packed?"

Kirk is wide-eyed. He shakes his head.

"Do you think you can go pack now that we've made cookies?"

Again, a shake of that blond head.

Pike rubs his forehead. He asks Spock and Lenny, "Have either of you packed?"

Spock's look of indignation clearly means _To question my habits is illogical._ "Yes, Admiral."

Lenny fixes his gaze elsewhere and rocks back on his heels. "Jimmy hid my bag, and he'll have ta give it back." McCoy turns a slightly hopeful face to Pike. "Or I can stay."

"Bones can stay!" Kirk is, simply put, pleased at this turn of events.

After escorting the two boys to Jimmy's room, while Archer and Spock (mostly Spock because he is more responsible of the two) are left behind to watch the cookies in the oven, Pike eventually pries out a confession from Kirk—and Lenny, who had helped—that the missing bag of clothes is stuffed deep into Pike's laundry basket. Said-bag is retrieved, McCoy is then told to pack with Jimmy doing the same, and that Mr. Pike will come back to take their bags to the front door.

Spock passes Pike in the hallway and remarks, "I suggest that you turn off the oven in fifteen point three nine six minutes. I will return seven minutes thereafter; at that time, the cookies shall be an appropriate temperature for consumption."

"Duly noted, Spock."

The Vulcan nods and disappears into Jimmy's room.

Archer is lounging at the kitchen table, eyes closed. Pike fixes himself a glass of tea (minus the alcoholic content) and sits next to his friend.

"You might as well let the boy keep the room, Pike. He's going be living here soon enough anyhow."

Christopher almost chokes on his tea. "Excuse me?"

"I'm just saying… why bother to make him pack? Hell, Winona has already left a year's worth of clothes in your closet. When a woman does that, she's signaling for a long-term relationship. Jimmy may be young, but if his mama keeps things here, you can be damn sure he will do it too."

And Pike had thought that he kept finding the boy's socks under the couch because Jimmy hated wearing anything on his feet and liked to hide them when Winona wasn't watching. Of course, that explanation—the hiding of evil socks—doesn't work when he recalls finding Jimmy's favorite bathing toys (he had wondered why the pillow on his bed was lumpier than usual and squeaked) or the surprise in his coat closet—Kirk's Captain uniform, consisting of a yellow shirt with CAPTAIN in black marker written on the front and a small cowboy hat.

Pike fights down the color rising in his face. "I do like having them here."

Jon opens his eyes and looks at his friend. "I know you do, old son." Then he sighs dramatically. "'Sides, this place could use the extra people. I mean, do you realize how bored I get when I come over and find _only you_ and a sad little bowl of popcorn? Shouting at a football game isn't nearly as fun if a woman isn't around to yell at you to keep the noise down." Archer finishes with "You've been flying solo for much too long, Christopher."

"Not as long as you."

"Yeah," agrees the man. "Last relationship I had, the girl said it was her or the job." Jon sips at his drink. "She thought teaching was a dead end—crap salary and hobnobbing with ordinary folk."

"Both of those things are generally true."

Jonathan nods. "And entirely irrelevant most of the time. That's why I dumped her. But, Pike, Winona is great. You'd be a fool to let her slip through your fingers."

Pike knows that—and Jon knows that he knows. So… "Whatever plan your pitiful brain has concocted, the answer is no, Jon."

"C'mon! There's only one way to ask for a girl's hand in marriage—"

"How about 'Will you marry me?'"

Jon punches Pike's arm. "I mean how you do it, fool. I was thinking…"

Pike listens to the words "bungee jumping" and "romantic mid-air declaration of love" and has little doubt of why Archer remains single.

"Mr. Pike! Cookies ready?"

Jimmy runs in and slings a small backpack across the kitchen floor. It hits the footboard of the counter. Kirk has already skidded to a stop at the oven. When the eager child starts to pull on the oven door, Pike is there to place one hand over the small ones and halt their progress. "I'll check the cookies if you promise to sit at the table like a good boy."

Once Jimmy has climbed into Pike's hastily vacated chair, the adult takes a peek in the oven. A little while longer and they will be nicely browned.

"Now?" implores the boy, swinging his feet.

"Almost. Where's Lenny and Spock?"

"I don't know." Kirk smiles in a lopsided way that terrifies Pike.

"Jonathan, watch him."

Pike is saluted with a glass of scotch-tea. "Check the dryer first."

He isn't sure whether or not the man is joking. If the boys aren't in any obvious places, then the dryer certainly might be the next place that he looks.

"Lenny?" They aren't in the bathroom playing water-park.

"Spock?" They aren't in the living room hand-painting the walls.

"Leonard!" They aren't in the backyard destroying the rest of the fence.

"Sp—"

Spock walks out of Pike's bedroom. "Greetings, Admiral. If you will follow me, the conference begins momentarily."

Pike enters the bedroom on the Vulcan's heels like a dumb sheep. Lenny is perched on the edge of his bed with his small hands resting on his knees. McCoy orders "Sit down" and points to a chair opposite of him.

When Pike does not move, the Vulcan repeats Lenny's words as if Christopher is a bit slow. "Please be seated, Mr. Pike."

Pike sits down. The baby Vulcan casts a menacing shadow to his right.

McCoy begins. "We like Jimmy."

"I'm sure Jimmy likes you both as well," replies Pike. He realizes belatedly that Leonard is holding the engagement ring for Winona. "Lenny, that's not a toy. Please hand that to me."

"It ain't a toy and I 'n Spock ain't stupid." The boy sniffs indignantly. "I said _we like Jimmy_. And Jimmy likes you. So we like you too."

Huh?

"Jimmy," McCoy goes on to say, "is expectin' you to marry Ms. Kirk."

"We require confirmation of your intentions," finishes the Vulcan.

Pike stares incredulously between the two children.

"Mr. Pike, it's real important," prompts Lenny in a quiet voice.

He clears his throat. "I, uh, I am… glad to know that you boys want to look out for Jimmy. Let's just say—" Pike leans in and lowers his voice, "—that I would be honored to be Jimmy's father. But the decision is Ms. Kirk's, not mine. I hope you understand."

They don't seem concerned about Winona's feelings. Neither did Archer. Pike is uncertain if this makes him feel better or worse.

The man is summarily released from interrogation. As Pike stands up, he muses aloud, "What if I had said no?"

Spock answers serenely, "I would have implemented actions which Leonard labels as incentives to change your mind."

Pike watches as McCoy slides from the bed and, without a word, stares back at the adult with a bland expression. He tries to imagine any version of Leonard McCoy's "incentives" which doesn't include a scary outcome for Pike. He fails.

The boys lead the way back to the kitchen where they find Jimmy with cookie crumbles down the front of his shirt and a smile on his face. Archer is whistling innocently as he reads a newspaper. Pike spies three plates of cookies (and cookie bars)—chocolate chip, peanut butter, and sugar respectively. He doesn't bother to ask who took them out of the oven. There are some things which are better left a mystery, for the sake of his nerves.

Spock approves of the texture and visual appeal of the sugar cookies. Leonard places one peanut butter bar on a napkin for himself, then puts another one on Kirk's plate, and hands a third to Spock who accepts it graciously.

Everyone enjoys the sweet treats except Pike; he is simply content to watch the boys. When the kitchen comm unit gives an insistent little beep, he abandons the moment of bliss to answer it.

"Chris, we just landed." Winona grins at him, her nose red from sunburn and her hair flyaway; she looks beautiful. "How are the boys?"

"In one piece."

She laughs. "Are you in one piece as well?"

He pats himself. "I think so."

"Mama!" Jimmy starts to climb Pike's leg so he lifts the boy up. Jimmy puts the remaining half of a cookie in his mouth and then starts talking, crumbs and words alike mixed together.

She seems to understand his babbling. "Yes, I'm coming home. Jimmy, chew first. I love you too."

A voice says from Pike's side, "Ms. Kirk, is my mother well?"

Winona turns her attention to the Vulcan. "She's fine, Spock. We had a lovely time—and you will see her shortly."

Spock thanks Jimmy's mother for the information and goes back to the kitchen table. Pike puts Jimmy down and shoos him away. When he turns back to Winona, her smile is soft. "I missed you both," she tells him.

"We missed you too." After a moment, he adds, "I will call Mrs. McCoy and let her know to collect her son. Can we expect you in about an hour?"

"Amanda drives like a wild woman—forty-five minutes." They say their goodbyes and Pike cuts the transmission.

He glances at the kids and Archer. Jimmy is chattering as Spock stacks the cookies in an organized manner and Lenny surreptitiously feeds Porthos a cookie under the table. Jonathan catches his gaze and winks.

Pike calls Mrs. McCoy. The woman answers, looks him over once, and remarks, "I can pick Lenny up this evening, if the boys want a little more time together."

He smiles gratefully. "Thank you. Why don't you and Dr. McCoy have dinner with us?"

"David's working tonight but I would love to accept."

Once they arrange a time, Pike re-joins the group at the table. Jimmy looks at him expectantly. He tells the boy, "They can stay until after dinner."

_Well_, he thinks, _at least I can make him happy._

And Jimmy does seem that way, as he eagerly pokes Lenny and cries "Bones, let's go outside!" who mumbles something sarcastic around the cookie in his mouth. To Spock, Captain Kirk asks, "Can you move him?"

Pike spends the next couple of minutes trying to make a baby Vulcan put down a chair with a boy still sitting in it who is shouting "Hey! I'm Chief Medical Officer! _I cain't be treated this way!_" Kirk runs out of the kitchen calling for Spock to hurry along with Bones. Archer laughs so hard that he cries.

When Winona and Amanda do arrive, they are sympathetic to the prone Christopher Pike in the living room. There is a washcloth over his eyes, Porthos napping on his feet, and bottle of brandy balanced precariously on his stomach. He says, without moving too many aching muscles (who knew mini-Vulcans could swing chairs like baseball bats?), "They're outside with Jon. I quit until dinnertime."

Winona pulls the washcloth off of his face and leans down to kiss him.

"Thank you, Chris."

He accepts the kiss and the thank you, knowing in his heart that there will be many, many more days like this to come in his—their—future.

And that's perfectly okay with Pike.

_-Fini_

**

* * *

It was lovely to re-visit this world. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did!**


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